Tampon of the day: Oscar Night

It's Mo....
Sorry, I have been distracted and have neglected my tampon series. I lead a demanding life here in Fenton. I just started working part time at the Edible Arrangements off Highway 141 and then on the weekends I work at the Circle K. Darla (Mother) is trying to kick me out of the house. She thinks I should get an apartment. I told her to wait until I gain some E-fame and I will get the hell out of Missouri.

 Ms. Tampon is back....... 

All week, Ms. Tampon was looking forward to Sunday night. She spent that Sunday morning preparing an Oscar Awards themed dinner for her and Mr. Birth Control. They had arranged to turn their favorite annual awards show into a date night. Ms. Tampon made a nice Southern spread, she was hoping that True Grit would win for best film.
The night was drawing to an end, James Franco was about to announce best film of 2011, Mr. Birth Control still had not shown up at Ms. Tampon's apartment, and the cornbread and chicken fried steak was growing cold.
"I thought birrrthcontrol was reliable," Ms. Tampon slurred.  She took the last swig of her Evan Williams Kentucky bourbon and sank back into her circus peanut couch.
"The Acadmey Awards goes to The Kings Speech"
Ms. Tampon was overwhelmed with disappointment, she pressed the mute button on her remote, silencing the cheers of a satisfied audience.
"Oscar night is overrrrated," she said to herself. All that preparation, all that anticipation, all that hope for an exciting night that is fleeting and disheartening.


I pity Ms. Tampon. Doesn't she know, The End isn't always happy in Hollywood?
To be continued...

-Mo

Burglar killed fish because "he didn't want to leave any witnesses"

It's Mo,
I saw this headline the other day. The police commented that "this is a little disturbing."
But, I disagree.
Burglar killed fish because "he didn't want to leave any witnesses"

-Mo

Cream Dream: Hero of the Day

It's Mo...
Today's hero is Tura Satana from Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Probably not much of a vixen now, she died a couple weeks ago. R.I.P

But, in Faster, Pussycat  she plays Varla a crazy kidnapping, murdering, drag racing, go-go dancer. It's an awesome movie about three sex-charged dominatrixes romping around in the desert and squashing any man in their path.  The three main characters in the film are women. Usually, when there is a trio of women it follows this formula: The Spacey Blonde + The Aggressive Brunette (Tura Satana) + Exotic Chick of Unknown Origin (this can be switched out with The Brainy Red Head)

Faster, Pussycat follows this formula--it includes the Exotic chick. The Exotic chick in this film gives me the lesbian vibes. Then again, when someone (man or woman) is characterized as "Exotic" their role tends to be hyper-sexual and a tad passive. Why are girls always passive?

Anywho, just go see this movie and fall in love with Varla.

Tura Satana's boobies are unreal. 

-MO

I care because you do.

It's Mo.
Republicans redefining rape?
SO there is this bill, in the process of being passed that would allow women to seek government money to fund an abortion only in the event of forcible rape. I was under the impression that force is an inherent part of rape. Along with loss of dignity, a violated vagina, STDs, and illegitimate unwanted rape babies. But according the dicknose GOP, rape really isn't that bad?  In the bill abortion coverage would be denied for women who were not forcibly raped, including victims of statutory rape and date rape.
About time someone cleared up the hazy distinction between rape-rape and non-rape-rape.  I am sure women who are raped by their husbands wouldn't be covered either? Cause if you're married to the bastard, than you're just asking for it.
All things awesome on the rape subject--- so, one third of rape kits go unprocessed and are expiring in evidence boxes everyday.  So what does this mean for all the sistas? 
well if your raped, not only will you go through a horribly traumatic experience; but the chances of someone catching the jerk are scant. Actually, the chance of anyone caring in general are slim. And who knows you might just get a little baby out of the whole shabang.  
 Could the government do one thing good for the victims of rape, and not create a fine printed footnote on the definition of rape that reads, "not all rape is forced." 

Is that tear for the victims of rape? OR just victims of forced rape?

-Mo

Nuns: A sign of things to come.

It's Mo,

Only the snow or a tornado could make the Midwest more obsolete than usual. Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, and all the other bleak states were covered in over a foot of ice and snow halting all functions of society and production for almost a week. School has been canceled for the past three days. As a result, I started watching porn for entertainment. 

Not just any old porn. Ecclesiastical porn. It is the best porn.


I am a pro-porn feminist and I don't know many anti-porn feminists. And any one who makes the argument that porn is the "objectification of women" should be ashamed of themselves for using such an exhausted and weak defense. First of all,  objects can't have sexuality. Porn doesn't transform a woman into an asexual object, women often play an active role in porn. A new era of porn exists. TRUST MO. I read about it all in a magazine.
I was shooting the breeze at the Circle K with Humphrey the other night, when he gave me a copy of "New York Times" magazine. The entire issue was dedicated to the current porn industry and the internet.
After reading and reflecting, I think I could win a debate with any anti-porn feminist.
Porn has changed the patriarchal foundation it was originally built on. That foundation consisting of money hungry--typically male--producers and staring professionals with stylized body images, that where all backed by big corporations. But anti-porn feminists need to realize that the internet has transformed porn...the internet has turned the consumer into the producer, amateur porn is no longer a niche, and the lady in the Jizzer of Oz looks more like Gertie, the girl next store, and not Sasha Grey. And everything is free. Porn piracy is sad topic though, not fit for today.

 I--the consumer-- have become the producer of shitty porn.  A few friends and I made a clean nun porn while we were bored and quarantined from the snow. I just need to edit it. Expect it to be posted in a few days. 

In the meantime, let me provide all the bored Midwesterners with a formula for the best nun porn time. 

Step 1: CLICK this link which will take you to a Youtube video of a wholesome song by Lesley Gore.   Don't play the song yet. 

Step 2: CLICK this link which will take you to a virus free German nun porn video. Turn down the volume before playing. 

Step 3: Start the Lesley Gore song, minimize web browser, and return to nun porn. 

Step 4: Start nun porn.
Yup.

-Mo

WKUK on it's period.

It's Mo,
I was watching clips from The Whitest Kids you Know and I found these two about periods. I really do enjoy male interpretations of women who are menstruating. The second video "Fairy of Womanhood" is pretty damn accurate. Who the fuck would be rational during a week of crippling body pain, unstoppable blood loss, and insatiable hunger? On the other hand, I hate when feeble fucking females use their period as an excuse. Menstruation only makes us stronger. I always despised the girls in 7th and 8th grade that got out of gym for period related issues--but this hatred may of stemmed from jealousy because at the time I was underdeveloped, period-less, and looked like a pre-pubescent boy.

-Mo