Well, just finished all my finals at Jeff-Co Community College. Still haven't gotten that admissions letter from Bard. It would be a real shame if I had to spend another year here in Fenton working at the Circle K. However, I was really considering starting a Zine for Fenton's growing feminist population. Maybe, I will add this to this list of summer projectz.
This really got me feeling giddy. The narration sounds like the voice of a neurotic pedophile who is over-stimulated by all the little girls at the Chuck-E-Cheeze.
Anyways, after watching this and Antichrist, I have decided that the feminist agenda is futile. Women already are superior, they always were. We may not dominate the political sphere, or the work place; we may be beaten into conformity by society and raped of certain rights by the government--but many other races and marginalized peeps suffer from those tings too. No. Women dominate the minds. Or the mind of that skewl boi.... Mission Akomplished.
Today's feminist hero is Rachel Maddow. There aren't a lot of politically savvy female news corespondents out there, so cheers to this cream come true.
This picture below makes my heart melt.
Ms. Tampax's career is constantly threatened by the clunky Miss. Pad, Lady Diva Cup, and the pesky dyke Ms. Estrogen suppressor--but spring and summer time is when Ms. Tampax's career really gets the skint. The pressures of swimsuit season always lead Ms. Tampax's clients to put down the fork, and when the girls don't eat, the girls don't get the moon's blood.
Now, Ms. Tampax is absorbing the bad habits of her clients. And this spring Ms. Tampax is feeling particularly inadequate, not only about her career, but her body as well. She's always prided herself on her unique form fitting shape, but this haunting photo clearly shows that those societal standards of beauty are doing more than just nagging at this tampon.
Today's feminist hero is Lady. The plain named rapper's new song, "Yankin" is a mesmerizing salute to da pussy. I haven't been this excited about a pussy related rap song since Three 6 Mafia's, "Pussy's got You Hooked."
While you watch the video note the phallic symbols: the four loko cans and the giant jar of pickles?
Male rappers are notorious for gloating about their dick and bragging about all dem bitchez trying to get at that dick. Finally, a female appropriating her pussy to be a symbol of dominance and a source of awesomeness--- what guys have been doing for years.
Lady is embracing her puss by attempting to popularize the new slang word exclusive to vaginas: Yankin. But is the term 'yankin' a verb or an adjective?
Can a pussy 'yank?'
What qualifies as a 'yankin' pussy?
Since I haven't been able to clear up these questions with Lady's people or get in contact with the Lady herself, I have looked to Lady's lyrics for answers.
'Pussy feel so good, feel like the rubber gone 'n fadded.'
First of all, a 'yankin' pussy is one that can melt condoms.
'It's that good pussy, so the feeling be strong'
Second, a yankin vagina has well toned muscles.
'my pussy be yankin,
got this nigga feeling hypnotized'
In addition to a yankin pussy's condom melting capabilities, a yankin pussy is one that is highly trained in the art of hypnosis; leading me to wonder, does a yankin pussy have more magical capabilities that Lady has failed to mention in her song? Later, in the same verse, Lady says,
'you look tired, i suggest you pop a pill or two'
Here, Lady doesn't explicitly say that it is her yankin pussy that's tiring the previously mentioned negro, but from this verse it can be implied that a yankin pussy also has the stamina of an olympian.
'I started slow so you can relax your mind, cause once i finish you gonna be out of your mind'
Lady sure uses a lot of this ingenious rhyming. Overall, a 'yankin' pussy's power is covert-- like the pussy itself. It's the pussy's stealth that is so shocking, or as Lady raps, 'mind blowing.' I don't mean to simplify or sum up the true meaning of 'yankin,' I am sure there is a lot more to a yankin vagina then what I have gathered.
On a personal note, my favorite part of 'Yankin' is when Lady sings, 'didn't have no teacher, but this pussy be trained'
These two lines provide hope for all the untrained women with a non-yankin pussy. You don't need to seek out and hire a professional pussy trainer. Listen to Lady's song, then you will know how to get that yankin puss. Mo
Look at this photo I found.... a photo fit for a museum.
Looking at Hillary Clinton photos is an easy way to kill time. I think I have some weird attraction to her unflattering box suits, her petrifying glare, and mom hair cut? Her hair always has great volume.
Hillary Clinton is a much better role model for girls than any trendy Hollywood hussies, like the one standing to Hillary's left in this photo. I am calling Natalie Portman a hussy because of her asinine decision to wear a sheer top, sans bra to the fucking White House ( As seen in the photo. Her nipples do look nice, but what a silly choice.) Am I right? Or is bra bearing just another way of society imposing beauty standards on ladies? Does Hillary wear a bra? Did Natalie burn her bra with Hillary, seconds before this photo was snapped?
Fun fact: When Hillary Clinton was the first lady and working towards US Health Care reform, the protests against her proposed policies were so aggressive, Hillary had to walk around with a bullet proof vest for the majority of 1994. Eleanor Roosevelt didn't face opposition like that and I bet Jackie O. would have rather stayed at the White House than wear such a bulky, unattractive bullet proof vest in public.
Hillary Clinton,
You Go Girl.
I found out that I have Vagina Dentata. But it only comes out during the full moon, so the last two days have been rough for my beaver. People with Vagina Dentata suffer from severe uterine hunger pangs. It's an insatiable hunger, really, the only way to satisfy the hunger of a Vagina Dentate is to eat human flesh. So, Vagina Dentaters face the same moral dilemas as werewolves, vampires, and cannibals.
I don't want to have to feed on human flesh, I am really not cruel, nor am I that dedicated enough to go out finding my male sacrifice every 29 days or so when the full moon comes around.
Also, the existence of Vagina Dentater is constantly in question, and we are often labeled as mythical beings. But there are are many people like Me out there. I think coming out on a public forum will help others embrace the unique appurtenances of Vagina Dentata, and help others determine if they will use their Vagina Dentata for good or for evil.
I found this nice website http://www.dentata.net/index.php
Don't feel like a savage because of your bloodthirsty beaver!
It's Mo...
Look, at these cunt rags and their pathetic attempt at protesting against women's rights in front of Burger King. Okay, so I respect the fiery passion of people that stand up for the "cause," but not when people are standing up for the anti-choice cause that emanates from their fucking religious beliefs. What a bunch of repugnant bible humpers, why would you believe in a god that drives you to be such an embarrassment to humanity and women?
It's Mo...
Willow Smith. So cute, but the product of evil.
Today, I watched Willow Smith's new music video for her song "21st Century Girl."
Let's look at the lyrics to this song.
Pull gold from my soul
Pull diamonds from my heart
It's that new girl thinking and this song is just the start!
Willow Smith, your such a material obsessed 10 year old. Not only does she pull gold from her soul, her and her friends pull sneakers, a guitar, and a car from the earth in her new video. Ohh right, because material objects are natural and not the fruits of labor and greed. Kind of like, Willow Smith is just a natural success and not the product of a highly systematic fame maker team.
PLEASE don't let the new girl thinking be this song.
Watching Willow Smith singing and dancing is disturbing in the same way that watchingToddlers in Tiaras (toddler beauty pageants in general) is disconcerting. Little girls like Willow Smith and other stage kids, are a commodity. A parent finds the slightest shred of talent in their spawn and then turns them into a profitable cute kitsch product.
I don't doubt Willow Smith can sing. But I doubt Willow Smith did any of the following:
-Write the lyrics to her songs
-Come up with the beat for her songs
-Choreograph her dance moves
-Come up with the idea for her video
-Does she even dress herself? Probably not.
The following link is to the video. PLEASE watch.
http://www.youtube.com/user/WillowSmithVEVO#p/a/u/0/AfuHSJqqgAo
The douche days are over. It's an ancient practice and unfortunately, there is no need to advertise for these products anymore. Here is a mixture of commercials during the douche bag's prime.
CLICK, http://vimeo.com/19996358
Did people really have casual chats on the beach with their mothers about douche bags? If a douche bag was outdated does that mean its spoiled? Do douche bags have expiration dates? There seems to be a lot less medical advertisements on t.v that are like these douche bag clips: commercials featuring people in these phony settings, where discussing things like Viagra and Gas-x comes up naturally. Now, a commercial for douche bags would show a modern girl, in some strange white space, maybe on a mod-couch, discussing her serious vagina problems, heart-to-heart with the audience. Then after a fake doctor explains the Douche Bag, it cuts back to the girl with a big smile on her face, and it's all because her vagina feels so fresh, so clean. Today, advertising is So personal, so real.
Douche.
It's Mo....
Sorry, I have been distracted and have neglected my tampon series. I lead a demanding life here in Fenton. I just started working part time at the Edible Arrangements off Highway 141 and then on the weekends I work at the Circle K. Darla (Mother) is trying to kick me out of the house. She thinks I should get an apartment. I told her to wait until I gain some E-fame and I will get the hell out of Missouri.
Ms. Tampon is back.......
All week, Ms. Tampon was looking forward to Sunday night. She spent that Sunday morning preparing an Oscar Awards themed dinner for her and Mr. Birth Control. They had arranged to turn their favorite annual awards show into a date night. Ms. Tampon made a nice Southern spread, she was hoping that True Grit would win for best film.
The night was drawing to an end, James Franco was about to announce best film of 2011, Mr. Birth Control still had not shown up at Ms. Tampon's apartment, and the cornbread and chicken fried steak was growing cold.
"I thought birrrthcontrol was reliable," Ms. Tampon slurred. She took the last swig of her Evan Williams Kentucky bourbon and sank back into her circus peanut couch.
"The Acadmey Awards goes to The Kings Speech"
Ms. Tampon was overwhelmed with disappointment, she pressed the mute button on her remote, silencing the cheers of a satisfied audience.
"Oscar night is overrrrated," she said to herself. All that preparation, all that anticipation, all that hope for an exciting night that is fleeting and disheartening.
I pity Ms. Tampon. Doesn't she know, The End isn't always happy in Hollywood?
To be continued...
It's Mo...
Today's hero is Tura Satana from Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Probably not much of a vixen now, she died a couple weeks ago. R.I.P
But, in Faster, Pussycat she plays Varla a crazy kidnapping, murdering, drag racing, go-go dancer. It's an awesome movie about three sex-charged dominatrixes romping around in the desert and squashing any man in their path. The three main characters in the film are women. Usually, when there is a trio of women it follows this formula: The Spacey Blonde + The Aggressive Brunette (Tura Satana) + Exotic Chick of Unknown Origin (this can be switched out with The Brainy Red Head)
Faster, Pussycat follows this formula--it includes the Exotic chick. The Exotic chick in this film gives me the lesbian vibes. Then again, when someone (man or woman) is characterized as "Exotic" their role tends to be hyper-sexual and a tad passive. Why are girls always passive?
Anywho, just go see this movie and fall in love with Varla.
It's Mo. Republicans redefining rape? SO there is this bill, in the process of being passed that would allow women to seek government money to fund an abortion only in the event of forcible rape. I was under the impression that force is an inherent part of rape. Along with loss of dignity, a violated vagina, STDs, and illegitimate unwanted rape babies. But according the dicknose GOP, rape really isn't that bad? In the bill abortion coverage would be denied for women who were not forcibly raped, including victims of statutory rape and date rape. About time someone cleared up the hazy distinction between rape-rape and non-rape-rape. I am sure women who are raped by their husbands wouldn't be covered either? Cause if you're married to the bastard, than you're just asking for it. All things awesome on the rape subject--- so, one third of rape kits go unprocessed and are expiring in evidence boxes everyday. So what does this mean for all the sistas? well if your raped, not only will you go through a horribly traumatic experience; but the chances of someone catching the jerk are scant. Actually, the chance of anyone caring in general are slim. And who knows you might just get a little baby out of the whole shabang. Could the government do one thing good for the victims of rape, and not create a fine printed footnote on the definition of rape that reads, "not all rape is forced."
Is that tear for the victims of rape? OR just victims of forced rape?
Only the snow or a tornado could make the Midwest more obsolete than usual. Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, and all the other bleak states were covered in over a foot of ice and snow halting all functions of society and production for almost a week. School has been canceled for the past three days. As a result, I started watching porn for entertainment.
Not just any old porn. Ecclesiastical porn. It is the best porn.
I am a pro-porn feminist and I don't know many anti-porn feminists. And any one who makes the argument that porn is the "objectification of women" should be ashamed of themselves for using such an exhausted and weak defense. First of all, objects can't have sexuality. Porn doesn't transform a woman into an asexual object, women often play an active role in porn. A new era of porn exists. TRUST MO. I read about it all in a magazine.
I was shooting the breeze at the Circle K with Humphrey the other night, when he gave me a copy of "New York Times" magazine. The entire issue was dedicated to the current porn industry and the internet.
After reading and reflecting, I think I could win a debate with any anti-porn feminist.
Porn has changed the patriarchal foundation it was originally built on. That foundation consisting of money hungry--typically male--producers and staring professionals with stylized body images, that where all backed by big corporations. But anti-porn feminists need to realize that the internet has transformed porn...the internet has turned the consumer into the producer, amateur porn is no longer a niche, and the lady in the Jizzer of Oz looks more like Gertie, the girl next store, and not Sasha Grey. And everything is free. Porn piracy is sad topic though, not fit for today.
I--the consumer-- have become the producer of shitty porn. A few friends and I made a clean nun porn while we were bored and quarantined from the snow. I just need to edit it. Expect it to be posted in a few days.
In the meantime, let me provide all the bored Midwesterners with a formula for the best nun porn time.
Step 1: CLICK this link which will take you to a Youtube video of a wholesome song by Lesley Gore. Don't play the song yet.
Step 2: CLICK this link which will take you to a virus free German nun porn video. Turn down the volume before playing.
Step 3: Start the Lesley Gore song, minimize web browser, and return to nun porn.
It's Mo,
I was watching clips from The Whitest Kids you Know and I found these two about periods. I really do enjoy male interpretations of women who are menstruating. The second video "Fairy of Womanhood" is pretty damn accurate. Who the fuck would be rational during a week of crippling body pain, unstoppable blood loss, and insatiable hunger? On the other hand, I hate when feeble fucking females use their period as an excuse. Menstruation only makes us stronger. I always despised the girls in 7th and 8th grade that got out of gym for period related issues--but this hatred may of stemmed from jealousy because at the time I was underdeveloped, period-less, and looked like a pre-pubescent boy.
Before returning to Jefferson Country Community College, I spent the last week of my winter vacation making a video with my old friend Bouf. Bouf is legend and many may know his parents who are the owners of the Fenton Cyclery and the Queen of Hearts strip club. I'm flattered that he liked my idea of creating a feminist Tampon superhero and I want to thank him for his help and his camera.
Well here is the video. I showed Darla, and she was only mildly offended and commented sourly, "I don't think it will win any awards." Oh, mom your such a dicknose.
I suggest watching it on youtube, I couldn't get the size right....
if it wont load here is the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7TVkkDPB14
I don't confine myself to society's constructed gender roles, much to Darla's (my mother's) dismay, neither does my favorite performer, PEACHES. I started this morning, like so many of my mornings, watching my favorite Peaches videos and I thought to myself, "Wow, the singer of Peaches (Merril Nisker) looks a lot like the lead singer of Placebo (Brian Molko)" I am sure many have made this connection before. And I can't believe I hadn't realized this, until now. But these two are gender- bender soul mates. I wonder if Brian Molko likes to listen to Peaches, and vice versa?
Can you guess which one is which?
Mo's Favorite Peaches Video: Set It Off
Mo's Current Favorite Peaches Song:
A Placebo Video where the lead singer looks like Peaches (for anyone who actually cares a boot Placebo):
It's Mo.
I was reading "The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Books" and I wanted to pee in my pants, while simultaneously vomiting. Who wrote this?
In the 60's there was a short lived comic book called "Superman's Girlfriend: Lois Lane" and its about Lois Lane and her attempts to win Superman's heart. Out of the 137 issues there was this.....
In this issue Lois Lane, and her friend Lana LANG(couldn't come up with something more original?) try and manipulate and hypnotize Superman, who is actually in baby form as a result of passing through some sort of parallel universe. SO in this issue crazy, needy bitch Lois brainwashes Superbaby to propose to "Aunty Lois [Superbaby calls Lois this]" when he returns to man form. BUT possessive, maniac Lana also uses the same brainwashing force so Superbaby will propose to her.
In the end, Superbaby goes back to Superman and is super confused with Lois and Lana. Lois and Lana are both expecting proposals (because their lives are meaningless with out Superman). Superman has no intentions of proposing nor should he ever after this incident. Lois and Lana are total fucking creeps who believe that manipulation and conditioning are the proper foundation of a loving relationship.
BUT, whats even weirder is that in the parallel universe-- where brainwashed Superbaby goes back to--- Lois and Lana both get married to Superman because in other dimensions polygamy is cool.
All in all, these floozy femme characters are an interesting representation of how women really do fucking brainwash their boyfriends in a sense by constantly coddling them. I know this for a fact. One time I came home from softball practice and I walked into my bathroom and saw my brother getting his nose picked by his girlfriend, Gertie. Gertie looked like a maternal monkey. She proceeded to lift up my brothers armpit and pull out the nits in his hair and put them in her mouth. Not really. It looked that way.
It's Mo, According to scientific studies (probably a study done by fucking monkeys in diapers and senile prune-wrinkled old men) when playing a game of rock-paper-scissors with females, especially inexperienced ones, they are most likely to throw paper first. There's some deep gender stuff here about men solving problems with head-on with rocks andwomen solving problems passive-aggressivelyby taking out pieces of paper and writing anonymous gossip. And no one solves problems with scissors.
Except Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, but who's going to look to him for guidance? Fucking dumb trench-mouthed wrestler.
I'm starting a new photography series called, "Tam and Pax" It's a study on tampon art. If it offends you than that probably means your a close minded pig. I appreciate all art, even the creativity of misogynist bastards should be respected.
Feminist Hero of the Day:
Amy Blue from The Doom Generation.
She compares sex to spaghetti.
She's a foul-mouthed speed junkie.
She leaves a three sum to pee.
She watches her boyfriend get his dick cut off; she moves on like he never existed.
"I know I feel like a gerbil smothered in Richard Gears butt hole"
I saw these panties the other day, and I am outraged. WHO is the fucking numb cunt that would want to wear Henry VII on their vagina? If putting historical figures on your pussy is the new trend then there are a slew of people that would make more sense. Henry VII had six wives who he raped and two of which he beheaded.
UPDATE: Humphrey McDermot, the clerk at the Circle K, who reads my blog, told me that Henry VII had multiple wives because King Henry thought it was his wive's fault they weren't cranking out little boys to take over his thrown. Thanks Humphrey and thanks for cutting me a deal on those scratchers :)
Darla--biologically known as my X-chromosome donor or "mom"-- has been forcing me to watch HGTV with her. It's a pathetic attempt to satisfy her maternal desire to bond with her offspring. I guess Darla has been feeling more distant since I told her I was bi-curious last year. ANYWAYS. After hours of watching House Hunters, Design on a Dime, Closet Cases, and Disaster DIY I have concluded that HGTV is destroying whatever potential housewives had to be creative. Why decorate and design your living space in way that reflects you as an individual? Instead, claim yourself incompetent, HGTV will send a saucy T.V personality and camera crew to laugh at your ugly adobe on network television, and then fix it up for you.
Oh, but it's really just a temporary fix. Once the cameras leave and your 30 minute time-slot on HGTV has passed, you will remember that your home is not a fruit of your labor. All compliments directed at the "nice color scheme" or feng-shui of your house from friends and acquaintances will be hollow and insignificant; you will plainly respond, "Thanks, I was on Design on Dime a few years back."
I found Closet Case to be the most vile show of them all. This show is similar to Hoarders. No participant on Closet Case or Hoarders truly confronts or defeats the psychological reasoning for their hoarding problem. No, no, HGTV just tells them they are crazy, throws away their material possessions, and leaves participants with neat-O storage units and an empty house the hoarder will just fill again with SHIT.
Why does Lindsay Lohan come up when you Google 'hoarders'?
It's Mo,
One of the biggest, baddest chauvinists around is the Pope. Douche-bag is actually one of the qualifications for any man who wants to become the Pope. Popes have been known for scowling at women; telling them they can't take birth control, ordering them to wear hats in church because the hair is a mane o' lustful distraction and sin, and reassuring numb-skulled Catholic women that their place is in the kitchen or on their knees sucking the dick of Jesus.
I guess the current Pope is just embarrassed that Pope Pius XVI didn't outwardly condemn the actions of the Nazi's during WWII. This is what happens when dicks like Pope Benedict are delegated some arbitrary position of power and are allowed to comment on history. Wasn't the Soviet Union made up of a bunch of atheist totalitarians? No comment there, huh Pope!? Vaginas don't lie, Vaginas don't deny, and Vaginas don't twist history.
